Archive Page 2

06
Nov
09

The Last Sunshine

The sun has faded
too quickly.
The bright light
evaporates into murkiness.
The last good day
of beautiful,
burning rays
on my sun-thirsty
skin.

This body will be dehydrated
at least till April.

Parched and stuck
till I can bare
my polka-dotted arms again
and free my stifled toes
from strangling socks.

A blanket of cold gray and snow
looms as the next sunrise
crawls over the mountain peaks

Naked with sunshine
is best.

01
Nov
09

"Can’t Wait To Get On The Road Again."

Alright…..one chocolate cookie led to an embarrassing myriad of glutenous eating over this weekend.  I basically said to heck with it, and decided that I know what I need to be doing, and the only way I could indulge one more time was if I made the commitment for good now.  “FOR GOOD.”  There is a song from the musical Wicked that has  that title, “For Good,” (which made me cry when I saw it recently because it made me think of my high school kids that I miss toooooo much still, but they do text me occasionally) and one of the lyrics goes: “I have been changed for good.” So I really just think that I need to just do it.

I have the ability to control this one, potentially enourmous, aspect of my health.  Why would I not take full advantage of being in control, as opposed to shoving all these pills down my throat that I truly feel control me.

So

Ok, so I could look at this as a sort of silly ode to the knowled

23
Oct
09

Questioning it all over a cookie.

So I know that I will not be completely gluten free until I change two of my meds, which is going to take me about 2 months.  I wish this were not the way it was, but money and the fact that I need to keep on both of them completely steady without a break, so really no way of just going off them.  I have one doctor’s appt. scheduled and I need to make the other one soon so I am on top of this.

Yesterday I decided to have a cookie from the cupboard….chips ahoy….of course it had gluten.  And I wondered, “Is this going to make me feel funny or bad?”  It did not, but I have to remember that I will not begin to feel good till it is all out, which includes the gluten in the pills. 

If 1/8th of a teaspoon of gluten can cause a reaction then that much is easily in one or two of these pills, which I take a total of 7 of each day.  This is kind of discouraging.  I want to be where I am feeling better as a result of my hard work eating and cooking gluten free, not just doing it for no reason till my body actually can be free of it.   But I don’t really want to go back to how I was.  I had such a hard time with this the first time, and now I feel truly determined, but I feel its a bit useless. 

So feeling a bit set back today, and knowing a bit better how much will power this will truly take from me to be a reality in my life.   Will I even feel better once it is all out of me? I guess there are no guarantees with anything, but I at least can try this myself, and control it.  So here is to a gluten free tomorrow….I hope.

21
Oct
09

I like it HOT

Ok, so yesterday I purchased a bag of the Bob’s Red Mill GF hot cereal.  I think it is a blend of rice, corn, sorgum and something else…..well I have not been feeling great all day, and I found myself in a lot of pain tonight.  And once I kind of came out of the worst of it, and was not so sick to my stomach anymore, the only good thing I could think of was hot cereal.

So it is 1/4C cereal to 3/4 C water.  And I microwaved it for 4 minutes total, and added a little extra liquid after 3 minutes (high altitude after all) and some cinnamon, milk and my organic cane juice sugar….wow is this good.  So much more interesting than cream of wheat, but nice and mild for my night time stomach.  This is bound to become a staple here in my house.  I will eat it for breakfast (I NEED to start eating breakfast, and this was super easy) and dinners when I am woozy and needing something mild.  I am tired of cold cereal for sure….I have had a few months of cold cereal for dinner.   Looking for something HOT, and I’ve found it!   Yippee…..one thing for my list of GF foods I LOVE!

20
Oct
09

Most Of The Way There

I begin writing about a GF life….and I would like to distinguish myself among the many GF blogs, but I fear I am just another girlie figuring this out, and I will not claim to be an expert, or a distinct voice or anything. I am just hear to talk about this journey I am embarking on in the hopes of helping my poor body become healthier.

Think of this as just another chronicle of an endeavor to try to do better at life, than I have been doing. So regardless of what the journey entails, eating, not eating, thinking, not thinking, it is still a journey….and I like that.

So tomorrow is one week that I have been eating completely gluten free (to my knowledge, I am learning more and more about hidden places for gluten) and I am feeling great about it so far. I know I will not be able to go completely gluten free till I change a couple of my meds, which will take me about 2 1/2 months, unfortunately. I thought I might wait, and continue not worrying about making sure I eat GF, but at this point, I see keeping up with eating well is only conditioning me for what I hope to do for always. Why go back now? I think my digestive system is already responding….less pain and nausea really… so I should just soldier on, and when my meds change, I am all the way there. For now…..most of the way there!

10
Sep
09

Clash

The day
to the night.
Dark crystal.
And then
the clear.

So the
poor bird,
dead
lies on
the hot
sidewalk

She walks
her dog
slowly,
staring
down the
gray sky

My cactus
keeps growing
higher
for three
years,
I’ve kept
it alive,
somehow

So obvious,
this whole
poem.

Unimportant,
as words are
to death
and life

And yet,
I write.
Still

09
Sep
09

Smeared

Smeared
and messy

In pieces and
broken

My body
my mind
Blurred
Any hurt
Piled on to
Causes puddles
of black

Find the missing
parts

Pick up my
life

Wipe away
the smears
somehow

-2007